Well alllllrighty then. Everyone just needs to take a few deep breaths – good air in, bad air out – and take a moment, maybe two moments or 20 whatever you need to do to calm yourself down. This too shall pass.
Of course no one has any idea of when it will pass, how bad it will get before it passes or what our world will look like after it passes but, hey, it will pass.
In the meantime y’all just work on regaining attitude control please.
In the grocery store this week was some lunatic literally arm shoveling every can of tuna off the shelves into his cart.
A young mother of three behind him very politely said, “Excuse me sir but would you please leave me three cans? I need them for my kids’ lunch this week?”
Totally reasonable request as at this point he’d practically emptied the shelves and had, at quick glance, about 100 can of fish in his basket. But here’s what he replied: “Too bad. If you’d wanted it you should have gotten here before me b-tch.”
The young mother looked stunned but the hair on the back of my neck went up and we were “off to the races …”
“Hey! Did your mother teach you to speak to people that way? I don’t think so. Back up and let the woman have some tuna.”
He jammed his cart closer to the shelves, increased his shoveling speed and let loose with a litany of nasty names spit in my direction.
“Shut your dirty mouth,” I said, leaned over his cart, picked up five cans from the shelf and handed them to the young woman. All the while he continued hurling expletives and threats in my direction. Whatever. But then, then he physically advanced on us. Big mistake.
“Stop. Stop right there. You do not want a piece of this,” I said very quietly stepping directly between him, the young mother, her children and their cart. “Lay a hand on me, this woman, her children or anything in her cart and it will be the very last time you use that hand.” Then I took a step forward and asked, “Are we clear?”
At which point the store manager showed up, got the low down on the situation and sent the man packing without his tuna.
I finished my shopping, left the store and was loading my bags into the truck when … I got mugged. For toilet paper.
I had four, four-packs and three bigger-than-me guys surrounded me. My back was to the truck and they’d jammed my cart hard against my legs pinning me in place. They were reaching in the cart and taking the TP. One even said, “We’re taking this.”
“Seriously? First I had the tuna fish lunatic and now you guys? You are absolutely not taking my toilet paper! Are you nuts? Go buy your own! I am in no mood for any more nonsense.”
“We’re taking yours,” said one of the men turning a bit so I could see his hand in his pocket holding … something. Obviously the move was to strongly suggest he had a weapon.
While I wasn’t in the mood to be messed around with I was for sure not in the mood to get killed over 12 rolls of TP so, I backed down.
They took the TP and nothing else. As they walked away and I put the rest of the groceries in my truck, I sent up a prayer of thanks for my safety and a heartfelt request that all three of the TP Bandits be struck down with extended cases of constipation (for which I’ll probably go to hell in a hand basket). Then I went back into the store to re-buy the four packages of TP.
I will be ordering everything on-line for the COVID-19 duration.